On May 2, 2008 I got my last chemo treatment.
At the time, I knew it was "the last one" but I had trouble believing I wouldn't be back there again. Now, 15 years later, I think I believe it.
In very early sobriety, I heard things like "Fear is the absence of faith, faith is the absence of fear" and "Courage is fear that has said its prayers." I used to keep a copy of the courage phrase on the side of my computer monitor at work, to remind me that if I was stuck in fear, faith was my way out. During treatment, I asked my family and friends to help me remember that if I was filled with fear, I needed to remember to have faith. They often reminded me of that on my lowest days, and for that I will forever be grateful.
Cancer treatment requires a lot of faith: faith in yourself, that you can endure it - that you have the physical and emotional stamina for the surgeries, the radiation, the chemo, whatever is required of you to fight; faith in your family and friends, that they will hold you through it; faith in your doctors, that they will administer your treatments safely and correctly, that they will pay attention to you, help you with what you need; faith in your insurance company, that they will pay for your treatments and minimize the hassle so you can focus on treatment and recovery; and faith in whatever higher power or god you turn to in the darkest moments of the night.
Not all faith is rewarded. For sure, you will be disappointed by your insurance company; in America, that goes without saying, really. Some of your doctors my fail you. Some of your friends and family may disappoint you. Sometimes your closest person will disappoint you. Your body may fail you. Your outcomes may force you to question even your faith in that higher power.
Today I am grateful that I had very few disappointments during treatment. I had the support of my wife, our families, friends, professional colleagues who became friends, my doctors, nurses, clinical staff (back when healthcare in America wasn't so broken as it is now). My body was able to handle all of the trauma I endured during treatment. My cancer responded to treatment, and so far it has not returned.
Not everyone is as fortunate. I have known people whose partners left them during treatment, who lost their jobs and health insurance because they couldn't work during treatment, who struggled to get the support they need from family and friends, whose bodies couldn't take the trauma, whose cancers were too advanced, or whose cancers were untreatable.
If you know someone who is facing cancer, please think about them. Patients seldom have an answer for "just let me know wha you need," but that doesn't mean they don't need you. It's hard to ask for things. Offer specific types of support, and they can react to those specifics. Maybe they can use help with the expenses associated with their cancer - I have seen some very successful fundraisers to support individual cancer battles. If you're the organizing type, you could do that.
Or maybe you prefer to organize a meal delivery network with family and friends; this is especially useful if they have kids, because kids have to eat no matter what. I used to sign up on a meal calendar to make lasagna for friends while the Dad was going through chemo. It helped them on that day, but it helped me feel like I was paying things forward, too. If you're not big on cooking or managing a meal delivery network, you could take donations to buy them a home delivery meal plan. Or to hire a housekeeper for them.
Maybe you could take their kids once a week to the zoo, or a trampoline place, or rock climbing, so they can forget for a while that their parent if sick, and their parent can have an afternoon to just rest and focus on themselves. Maybe you have other ideas of how you can support them.
Any little thing can make a huge difference to someone in cancer treatment or recovery or who is living with cancer.
